Peeing in the Woods

Today after supper, Spencer went outside and peed in the woods.

Some of you may think, "So what?" Others may roll their eyes and say, "Here she goes, talking about bodily functions again."

But bear with me.

You see, I absolutely hate it when little boys pee in the woods. I think it's crass, immodest, and downright backwards.

I'm not talking about emergencies, of course. When it comes right down to it, male "equipment" is much better suited to quick, roadside relieve than us poor females who have to undress, squat, and wipe. It isn't fair, really.

But that doesn't mean that men and boys should have the freedom to wee-wee with nature whenever the spirit moves them.

So why then, you may ask, was my three-year-old peeing in the woods?

I have no idea.

Obviously it's something he learned from his big brother, who learned it from Daddy. (No, Eric doesn't usually pee out back.) And, too, we have a seven-year-old neighbor who seems to take great pleasure in expressing himself in this manner. Of course, he at least makes a bit more private business of it. Spencer, on the other hand, stopped by the nearest tree and let loose in full view, with the abandon that only a three-year-old could display.

What's a mother to do? We've had our "don't pee in the woods" talk many times, but I'm up against the delighted squeals and giggles of two older sisters who think the whole thing is exceptionally funny.

And what little brother doesn't like an audience?

Evidently there's the danger of his taking this little habit into adulthood, though. At a recent family gathering, my cousin-in-law (is that a real word?) was inducing laughter in the crowd by telling how all his male friends pee in his backyard whenever they visit (it's a large, wooded lot).

"Of course," he went on to say, "I can't really say anything, since I get out of the car when I get home from work and pee in the driveway."

I'd like to assume that he was kidding, of course. We all know how men like to embellish their tales. But I have this vision of my son peeing in the woods as if it were the most normal thing in the world, and now I can't help but wonder...

Even after fourteen years of marriage and giving birth to two sons, I just don't understand this "guy stuff."

Can you imagine setting down your glass of iced tea to squat behind your girlfriend's garden?

Maybe it's some sort of tribal, male-bonding thing. After all, women don't pee in communal troughs the way men line up at urinals. I may be underestimating the power behind this ritual.

Even so, I don't want my son to pee in the woods.

Sometimes it's very hard to raise a little boy. Even when a father is involved, loving, and available, the majority of a boy's day is still spent with his mother. And learning to let go of a few feminine thought patterns in order to relate to a small male's masculinity can be a daunting task, indeed.