Family Before CareerThursday, June 29, 2006This post might ruffle a few feathers, so a warning to those of you who do not have a strong constitution. I take a strong position on this issue, and I make no apologies if it might offend some. This is the first time I have written on this topic, but I have talked a lot about it. Neither Dads nor working Moms are exempt. If you travel extensively with your job, I hope you are single. I am talking about the road warrior. Some road warriors come home Friday night and leave Sunday afternoon, absent all week. Some stay away from their families for weeks at a time on a regular basis. I am not talking about people who travel once a month or go to a conference for a week. If your job requires you to be on the road and away from your family for the majority of the week, you will regret it one day. This is especially true if you have children. Children need their Dads and Moms in their life in a substantial way. I mean daily. There are professions that require excessive travel. If your passion lies in a profession that requires you to have a home away from home, think hard. If you want a spouse and kids, think really hard. The consequences are great. One of my readers asked the question, "How do you survive your husband being away a lot?" Survive? That is a strong word with life-altering implications. However, it's a great word to describe what the family that is left behind must do. It must survive without Mom or Dad. I have four children and I spent two years of my career traveling every week. I almost lost my youngest son. He pulled away and didn't even want to spend time with me. At the ripe age of 3, he had no idea when I would be there and when I would not. To deal with this he had to shut me out; it was too painful. It took me almost a year to get him back after I stopped the insanity. There are still residual effects from those two years. Don't underestimate what traveling will do to your family. Don't put your family on the altar. If you can, reduce your current travel if you are not a road warrior. Putting your career before your family is absolutely unacceptable and toxic. Rant over. My intention is not to condemn, even though my words are harsh. Excessive travel is something that I believe is inexcusable. Let's call it what it is. There is no room for political correctness when it comes to the emotional health of a family. I have to check myself regularly. I ask myself if I am starting to put my job ahead of my family. If I see it starting, I realign. While you all know I am an advocate for being successful in your career, it should never be at the expense of your family. posted at 6/29/2006 08:00:00 AM | 16 comments links to this post |
Finding Your OpportunityWednesday, June 28, 2006 I love reading David Lorenzo's Career Intensity. He has a way of communicating complex career issues in a very straightforward and direct way. My article on "Finding Your Opportunity" was featured as the number one post last week in David's Carnival of Career Intensity. I am honored to be picked as the number one post, as David gets submissions from many talented career experts. David has a new book out, "Career Intensity." I will be reviewing it as soon as I get my free signed copy from him. I am looking forward to reading it. You can order it buy clicking on the picture of the book. If you are struggling with feeling like your career is at a dead end, go to the link below and find out what you can do about it. Carnival of Career Intensity - Post One - June 24 Posted by Dave Lorenzo Eric Boehme gives us the top post this week titled: Surviving and Thriving (At Work and At Home): Find Your Opportunity posted at The Blogging Boss. posted at 6/28/2006 06:00:00 PM | 0 comments links to this post |
Renting Cyberspace?For those of my readers who are also BE members, you know that a cyberspace is real estate. Renting a space on your website is a concept that I think is really interesting. I had a contest about 8 months ago where I awarded the winner free space on my blog. Why rent your blog? It is a step up from trackbacks or linkbacks, whatever you might call them. Renting your blog is all about introducing your readers to another blog that you like. Blogrolls do not quite cut it for me. I have a section where I have direct links to people who I respect in the world of management and career building. I am going to start a new section to add direct links to those blogs that I like, but are not "career/business" blogs. I put Surviving and Thriving up for rent and was delighted when I received a bid from my new tenant, Carol or better known as the "Median Sib." Carol is almost a neighbor geographically. She describes herself as an early baby boomer, a reading specialist, mother of two, and grandmother of two. She loves reading, writing, camping, hiking, mountain biking, dancing, golf, and being with family and friends. She started keeping a diary at the age of 10, when her father gave her a brown leather-bound diary. She has kept one for about 45 years. She says that blogging is just a different way for her to do what she has been doing for so long. She is the fourth of seven children - the middle child or the median sibling, or the median sib. Please welcome Carol to the Blogging Boss. I am glad to have her as my tenant this week. Go check out her blog now, The Median Sib. Have a great day, Eric posted at 6/28/2006 08:00:00 AM | 2 comments links to this post |
If You Are Not Happy, Tell Your Boss?Monday, June 26, 2006You should enjoy what you do. If you are unhappy, have a good boss and you know that you are a valued employee it is time to make a change. I have watched too many people leave their jobs that they once loved and chase after the greener grass. As elusive as the greener grass may be, many elect to cross to the other side. Every company has its challenges or opportunities depending on whether your glass is half empty or half full. If you are burned out and unhappy don?t jump at that first super offer from the competition. It is unknown and it is not likely to turn out to be as super as it sounds. You are trading what you know for what you do not know. If you are unhappy and looking for another job you should tell your (good) boss. Your good boss wants you to stay as much as you do. Most people that tell me that they are thinking about leaving start by saying that they really do not want to leave. Huh? Often it is just a matter of defining a new role that will make you happy again. We all need to make adjustments from time to time to keep things fresh and challenging. Sometimes we need a complete change. Have you been on that project too long? Ask to be moved to a new challenging project. If you get resistance or your boss does not understand the gravity of the situation, make it clearer. You may need to tell your boss that you are going to leave the company unless the situation can be resolved. There is nothing threatening about that unless you make it so. If you are feeling anger towards your boss, job, company, or situation it is not the time to be that honest. You have not dealt with your emotions. Although it is not easy, you should never make emotional decisions concerning your career. Don?t have emotional conversations with your boss. Making an occasional emphatic statement is not an emotional discourse. Make sure you are ready to have a constructive conversation. Be honest and be real. Before you take another job that you might regret, think about what would make you happy where you are. If you cannot figure out anything that will reenergize and transform your work life, then it is time to leave. Find another job before leaving your current one. Most hiring managers are not motivated to hire people who are not employed when they could be. posted at 6/26/2006 05:26:00 PM | 1 comments links to this post |
Taking Risks Part IIIThursday, June 22, 2006If you have not read parts one and two, go read them now. Taking Risks, Taking Risks II When I share my story about my failed business I get asked the same question. Would you do it again? What people are really asking is whether I am willing to take another risk. It has been two years since the rise and demise of that business and I have not rebounded financially as fast as I thought I would. My answer is always, yes. There is a caveat to that yes. I will apply all of the lessons that I learned as I evaluate taking the next risk. To do anything less would negate the positive side of failure. Yes, failure has a positive side to it! You have to find it and study it. Encapsulated in failure are keys to success. Do not be risk adverse. Take your hands off of the wheel and be willing to trust in your inherent strengths. We all have strengths. If you do not know what your strengths are, then you need to talk to your best friend, your spouse; someone who knows you very well. Ask them to tell you. Here is the challenge I talked about yesterday. Take a look at your situation at work. If you work at home, you are not exempt. If you are a stay at home mom or work at home mom, you are not exempt. Find one area where you know you are holding back because of fear, feeling of inadequacy, insecurity or any other negative emotion. Write it down and put it away for a a day or two. This weekend, take that sheet of paper out and read it. Then write down the steps you are going to take to tear down the wall that is between you and what you committed to accomplish. I bet you will find that risk is part of the equation. I love hearing from my readers, so email me and tell me how it went. I will share with you what I wrote down next week! "To respond is positive, to react is negative." - Zig Ziglar posted at 6/22/2006 08:00:00 AM | 2 comments links to this post |
Taking Risks Part IIWednesday, June 21, 2006If you missed the first part, click over to my post from yesterday and read Taking Risks. I think it is normal for a boy who is maturing into a man to experience that feeling of being invincible. Boys need to gain confidence and to try things that are just beyond their current capabilities. I felt a tremendous rush the first time I rode my bike with no hands. I watched my oldest son experience it. So where is that same lust for conquering the seemingly impossible now? Do you still have it? My first response when I saw the dude on the bike last night was one of contempt. I mean riding your bike down a busy road with no hands and drinking was foolishness. Then my thoughts quickly traveled to my youth. In a matter of about 30 seconds I moved from contempt to questioning. Am I still able to confidently assume risk and not even contemplate failure? I am not suggesting that you try riding your bike at 40 miles per hour with no hands. We know that taking unnecessary risk is not prudent. Right? I have learned that I must take calculated risk. What I do not know is just how much risk do I assume by trying to eliminate much of the risk? Do I risk losing what I might have gained? Many of you know that my second business was a failure. The hard part was my decision to put my own assets at risk. As a result, I came very close to losing it all. For several months in 2004 I was convinced that we were going to lose the house and everything. My faith in God was all I had. I found out it was all I needed. God answered our prayers and performed a financial miracle. I am grateful and humbled. I am so glad that it failed. I learned more from that failure than I ever would have from a success. Seriously! I believe walking through the lessons of failure prepare you to run in times of success. Most successful businessmen have failed at least once and many have gone bankrupt before they found success. Some have gone bankrput several times. I am not recommending that. Tomorrow I wrap this up with a challenge. Have a great one! posted at 6/21/2006 08:00:00 AM | 2 comments links to this post |
Taking RisksTuesday, June 20, 2006I have no idea why this image popped into my mind, but it stayed there just long enough to ruminate. I often think I should carry a pad and pencil around with me like a geek and write down the things that invade my thoughts. I was driving my oldest daughter to Starbucks for an after dinner Tazo and stroll through the town square, when we passed a boy on a bike. What caught my attention was that he was guzzling down something from a bottle as he rode down the street. No hands on the wheel, just drinking and pedaling. He was perfectly balanced on the bike,at impulse power quenching his thirst. No hands! I laughed out loud and my daughter asked me what was funny. I realized she was looking out her window in the opposite direction, oblivious to the biker. I told her what I had seen and how it reminded me of the days when I had mastered riding my ten speed with my hands up in the air. In the town where I spent my teens, there were a series of three hills descending from my house for a mile and a half to the end. The first hill was the steepest. I would pedal as hard as I could in tenth gear until I was flying down the first hill. By the time I took my hands off of the bar and put them up into the air, I was traveling at 35 miles per hour. It was exhilarating. It was also extremely risky. When I was twelve, I thought that bad things only happened to other people. I firmly believed that I was not going to crash as I raced madly down that hill. I think every boy goes through this time in his life when he believes that he is invincible. Crashing was not something I even thought about. We didn?t wear bike helmets in the 70s. There were no laws and I am not even sure I had ever seen anyone wear one. I would not consider letting my 14 year old son go out without one. I wear a helmet while riding my Sears $99 wonder bike! I grew up in the age when we traveled in the back of a Volkswagen bug in what we called the "well." It was a space that barely fit two children between the back of the rear seat and the engine (which was in the back). It was a death trap. One good hit from the rear and? Well I won?t go there. More tomorrow. posted at 6/20/2006 08:00:00 AM | 2 comments links to this post |
Need A Change?Monday, June 19, 2006It's Monday morning. Are you happy? Take a few minutes and honestly answer this very basic question. Here are some questions to help guide you. 1. Am I ready to start the new week? 2. Am I energized? 3. Am I excited about the day? 4. Do I love what I am doing? 5. Do I have my week planned? 6. Am I passionate about my work? 7. Do I like my job? 8. Do I wish I had my own business? 9. Do I feel like I am missing some other opportunity? 10. Do I like my attitude? Answering these questions truthfully should help you paint a mental image. What does that image look like? If you are not happy with the outcome of this exercise, you have some soul searching to do. If you are like most people that I talk to, you already had an idea that you were not happy before answering any of the questions. The questions serve as a reinforcement of what you already know. If you are not energized, ready to conquer the day, excited, and passionate about what you do, get a pencil and a sheet of paper. Write down each question where you answered "no" and ask a different question. For example: Am I excited about the day? could be: Why am I not excited about the day? We do not spend enough time seriously thinking about how happy we are doing what we do. If we spend 40 or 50 hours a week working for a company or our own business, why not spend several hours a week taking our own pulse. Start this week becoming more self-aware. If you do not like what you see, do not despair. Ask yourself what you can do to change. Talk to your spouse, a friend, a colleague, or whomever you trust. Make the most of the day no matter where you are and what you are doing. I am going to answer the questions and reassess where I am today. Will you join me? posted at 6/19/2006 07:28:00 AM | 1 comments links to this post |
Getting QuotedThursday, June 15, 2006I have been flat on my back and in pain, so I apologize for the delay in posting. I injured my back last Friday night and wow, what a week it has been. I am back walking and bending just a little. I can sit for more than 20 seconds, so I am on the mend. I do not have the energy to write this week, so I thought I would share an experience I had back in March. I do not think any of us who blog regularly truly appreciate the impact our words can have on just a single person. There are times when we pour our heart out into text rendered by HTML and do not get any response. People are reading your blog. If you study your web stats you will be surprised who is reading and where they come from. It is not from the comment box that we know if people are coming back to read more. Our stats tell us the real story. It is nice to get an email from your readers. They often are willing to share more than they would in a comment box. In March I received an email from a syndicated columnist who writes for over 100 newspapers and websites across the U.S. Joyce Lain Kennedy asked if she could quote me in her article about micromanagement. Anyone who knows me knows that I have strong opinions about micromanagers. Joyce called me up and asked if she could quote my article entitled "How Do You Deal With a Micromanager." After talking to Joyce, I immediately connected to her passion of 39 years. Joyce is the author or senior author of eight books, including Joyce Lain Kennedy's Career Book (VGM Career Horizons) and Electronic Job Search Revolution, Electronic Resume Revolution, and Hook Up, Get Hired! The Internet Job Search Revolution, Resumes for Dummies 4th Edition (2003), Cover Letters for Dummies 2nd Edition, and Job Interviews for Dummies 2nd Edition. Joyce was delightful to talk to. I enjoyed her candor and encouragement. Here is the reprint of the article where she quotes yours truly, the Blogging Boss. How to Deal with a Micromanager DEAR JOYCE: My control-freak boss almost tells me how to breathe, second guessing everything I do. How do I cope with a micromanager? - J.J. Having never been in that room where a meddling manager sucks out all the oxygen with a yard-long nose in the business you've been assigned to do, I read up on what others advise. Their advice - which always ends with "if all efforts fail, update your resume" - falls mainly into these categories: -Depersonalize (disengage emotionally or "unhook" from your stress) the relationship. - Keep the boss in the loop by getting advance agreement on how a project is to be handled and state progress regularly while keeping your activities in plain sight. Maybe even bury the boss in reports. - Suck it up and strive for a mind meld: "You're the boss and I support your high standards and hope to free you to achieve more by giving you less to worry about." - Straight talk the issue: "When you stand over me and give me a play by play, I wilt. Can you give me broader direction?" Unsurprisingly, the answer boils down to different strokes for different folks. My choice of good advice on dealing with micromanagers comes from Eric Boehme, known online as "The Blogging Boss" (beatyourowndrum.com/career) who has 17 years in the information technology trenches as a manager. Now in management ranks for a prominent employer in Nashville, Tenn., Boehme offers online counsel about managers who try to manage everything. Here are excerpts: COPING TACTICS. Working with a micromanager is a losing proposition. You must make changes, respecting your abilities and talent enough to make sure you are being fully utilized. And you must commit to "managing up" [managing people in positions of authority, especially your boss]. Follow these rules: Rule 1 - Stay emotionally neutral in all discussions with your boss. Do not raise your voice. Even if you are ready to scream, keep it inside. An emotional outburst on your part will give a micromanager all he or she needs to continue controlling everything you do. Rule 2 - Ask your boss for permission to be frank. Many micromanagers are not mature enough to have a direct conversation. If the conversation goes south, you can always remind your boss that you asked if you could be direct. Rule 3 - Give recent concrete examples of where you feel you have been treated inappropriately. This is the hardest, but most important part. Prepare diligently for this discussion. Use examples that the micromanager cannot challenge what actually happened. If an example is totally fact-based, the only way a micromanager can refute what you are saying is by manipulating truth. That is another issue. Rule 4 - Your goal should be to change one behavior at a time. Ask your manager to let you take sole responsibility for one task without additional approval. Focus on things you know should be your responsibility completely. This is an incremental process in which you ask for another and then another independently-performed task. Rule 5 - If you are not getting anywhere with your boss during this trust-building process, you must decide whether to escalate this up to the next level [solo complaining up the ladder is very risky for your continued employment]. But remember, micromanagers tend to hire micromanagers, so assess your boss's boss before acting. And remember too, that you must first give your manager the opportunity to address your concerns - it's only fair that you treat your managers as you want to be treated. NEW BOOK. Another resource for employees who are buried in resentment about all types of relationship malfunctions in the workplace is "Working With You Is Killing Me: Freeing Yourself from Emotional Traps at Work" by Katherine Crowley and Kathi Elster (Warner Business Books; $22.95). Crammed full of actionable tips, the book counts five pivotal practices of managing up: 1. Train your boss to meet with you regularly. 2. Come to every meeting with a detailed agenda. 3. Keep a pulse on your boss's changing priorities. 4. Anticipate problems and solutions. 5. Always be prepared to give a status report on your projects. I give this book five stars for building success and emotional comfort in your job. � 2005 TRIBUNE MEDIA SERVICES, INC. posted at 6/15/2006 07:31:00 PM | 7 comments links to this post |
ChecklistFriday, June 09, 2006 We are almost half way through the year and it is time to check your goals. No bashing yourself if you did not reach some or any of them. If you set goals for the year, even just one, you are already doing better than most of the population. 1. Review your goals 2. Do they still make sense? 3. Celebrate any goal you attained. 4. Embrace those goals that you did not attain and don?t give up. 5. Do you have too many goals? 6. Are your goals realistic? 7. Pat yourself on the back for writing a goal down this year. 8. If you got derailed on a goal, can you get back on track? 9. Remind yourself that this is a process that may take several years to master 10. There is nothing wrong with you if you missed all your goals. Ok? I am going to share my progress soon. I have to get through the list above first. :-) Have a great weekend! Eric posted at 6/09/2006 05:59:00 PM | 6 comments links to this post |
Carpe VinoTuesday, June 06, 2006 One of my favorite phrases comes from Latin and means "pluck the day." It is generally known as "seize the day." It is a powerful phrase that became a part of me after watching "The Dead Poets Society." If you have never watched that movie, go rent it this weekend. In fact, go rent it tonight.My wife bought me a tee-shirt several years ago that says "Carpe Vino" or "seize the wine." Those who know me well know that I have a passion for good wine. Yet another great application of "Carpe Diem." This morning, I observed a couple that looked to be in their early sixties, maybe even late 50s. They were getting out of their truck when I first noticed them. They were headed into a cancer clinic. The husband had an oxygen tank, so he had other health issues. The wife could barely walk; she was obese. She labored and lumbered her way into the clinic. I could not tell which one was dealing with cancer. This clinic was dedicated to serving those who already had cancer. One of them was fighting with walking and potentially their life. I was deeply affected by the image of this couple. In just twenty years, I will be in my sixties. I tried to put myself into their shoes to get in touch with their pain. Instead of being able to get in touch with their pain I found myself being drawn to the spirit of "carpe diem." When you are in good health and life is good, you need to "seize the day." I thought about all of the troubles we all face when we are married. Not enough time, intimacy, sex, or ... The list goes on. It struck me. That couple would trade their condition in life with ours. It is a lot easier to deal with the intricacies of marriage than life and death. This couple was suffering deep pain physically, emotionally and perhaps terminally. It was almost impossible for them to seize the moment, let alone the day. We all should embrace the spirit of "carpe diem" and live it each day. We should live it at home, at our offices, and anywhere we may travel. We are not promised another day, so why would we not make the most of each day that we are blessed with? Right now I am practicing "Carpe Vino." I am writing this post with a wonderful glass of Cabernet from South Africa. Take a sheet of paper and write the phrase "Carpe Diem" on it. Put it on your bathroom sink. In the morning when you see it, look in the mirror and tell yourself you are going to seize the day! Do this for 21 days and it just may become a habit. posted at 6/06/2006 10:08:00 PM | 1 comments links to this post |
Are You Divergent?Sunday, June 04, 2006 Pamela Stewart, actually Pamela Slim now, has an excellent post over at her blog, Escape from Cubicle Nation. I encourage you to read it. I was surprised how many questions I said "no" to. Like all of us, I have some areas to really concentrate on. Here is the link: There is Nothing Wrong With You It is June and the kids and I am living at the pool every weekend. They love it and I love it. We have such a wonderful time being crazy and reveling in our divergence. Are you divergent or a conformist? If you spend some time digging into how divergent you are, you may learn a great deal about yourself. You may even learn some things about yourself that you do not want to know. See you on Monday. :-) posted at 6/04/2006 11:52:00 AM | 0 comments links to this post |
A Book You Need To BuyThursday, June 01, 2006 I discovered Lisa Haneberg about a month ago. I have been searching and searching for quality websites that deal with career/management issues. I immediately identified with what Lisa has to say. She is on my recommend list. Her new book is being released in two weeks entitled "Focus Like a Laser Beam : 10 Ways to Do What Matters Most" I have ordered a copy and I encourage you to buy one as well. Why would I recommend a book I have not read? Simple. I have read enough of Lisa's daily posts over at Management Craft to know that I am going to get something new and fresh. If you are not convinced based on my recommendation, then read an excerpt from her book: Human Resources professionals may rush to read this chapter to ensure that it does not say what they fear; that bosses should have sex with their employees. They can rest easy because the word, "sex" will be and has been mentioned only twice and this chapter has nothing to do with that kind of intimacy. With that said, some of you might still be uncomfortable discussing business relationships as being intimate. The goal of this chapter is to help you get over this objection and get excited about the benefits of deep work relationships. What does intimacy mean? How do we know when a work relationship is intimate? In her book The Dance Of Intimacy, Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. offers this provoking definition of intimacy. "Let's attempt a working definition of an intimate relationship. What does it require of us? For starters, intimacy means that we can be who we are in a relationship, and allow the other person to do the same... An intimate relationship is one in which neither party silences, sacrifices, or betrays the self and each party expresses strength and vulnerability, weakness and competence in a balanced way." An intimate relationship is one where people feel comfortable being themselves. Think about this from a business perspective. As a leader, you want to tap into the intelligence, drive, and uniqueness of each of your employees. You hire people to contribute to the organization and to make an impact they need to share their thoughts, ideas, and experiences. If you want people to share what they have to offer, you need to create an environment in which doing so is comfortable. How about that? She has a way of making you question some of your most fundamental beliefs about management. I really like her style. I am not an affiliate for Lisa; I am not getting any money from Amazon. I just want to help promote Lisa's book. Click on the link below and order your copy now. Get Lisa's Haneberg's New Book Now! To read what she has to say about her book in her wonderfully passionate way click here: Will You Help Me? Tomorrow is Friday. I love Fridays. Don't you? Eric posted at 6/01/2006 07:24:00 PM | 0 comments links to this post |
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