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Friday, December 07, 2007Baby Einstein -- The Marketing CoupSomeone out there is brilliant. For the past few years, I've only been vaguely aware of the Baby Einstein products out there. You know -- stuff for your baby that will make him a genius. Videos and games and toys and whatnot. I didn't pay it much mind; just sort of rolled my eyes and went on to think about something else. I've reentered the world of Baby Gizmos, though, and I've paid more attention to the Stuff that's out there. And a lot of it is...well, beyond ridiculous. They said "Mozart makes you smart." So ZING! Out comes the snappiest, Mozart-playing baby videos and baby toys that you've ever seen. And, well, nobody wants HIS baby to lag behind the little smarties who are listening to Mozart whilst watching brainless images float by on their parents' plasma screen, so ZIP! Out Mommy runs to the nearest toy store and stocks up on Baby Einstein for her own budding prodigy. And another Toy Empire is born. You know what? I'm a musician. My children have been exposed to Mozart -- and Beethoven and Brahms and Handel and Debussy -- since birth. Not in the form of digitally recorded, primary-colored, developmentally-gauged baby toys. Nope. Just plain ol' CD's in my CD player. Fancy that. These days, it's even easier to find classical music, thanks to online music meccas like iTunes. So if you hear someone say, "Hey! Your baby needs some Mozart!" you can choose a few symphonies or chamber pieces, burn them to a CD, and voila! Instant genius. It's hard for the masses to resist the slick packaging of the Baby Einstein products, though. I should know. I just bought a Baby Einstein toy for my daughter. You know me well enough to know that my choice had nothing to do with the Baby Einstein craze, or even with an insatiable need to raise a genius. It's a lot more straightforward for me: I hate idiotic "baby tunes" and electronic blippity-bleeps. So when I discovered the blue octopus who plays one Baroque and two Classical pieces and recites eight colors in three languages, I was sold. Not only will my baby be able to distinguish between Telemann and Beethoven, but she'll be speaking French and Spanish by the time she's two. No, seriously. Okay, not really. I did buy the octopus because of the music and language choices. But I mostly bought it because of the price: $8.99 at Walmart. That was within my budget. And I've been searching for some sort of interesting toy for Molly's pack-n-play, which gets kind of boring for the poor little girl with nothing but a rattle in it. And, hey, it's Christmas. It gave me an excuse to put something under the tree for my baby-who-is-too-tiny-to-really-care-yet. Right. I'm not kidding anyone. The Baby Einstein octopus is for me. I pressed its little face, it started to play a piece by Telemann, and I was hooked. I may share it with Molly from time to time. I might even tell people that it's hers. But make no mistake: Mommy is reliving her childhood, which was completely devoid of brainful toys that played highbrow music and taught her how to say "brown" in French. How did any of us survive with IQ's above 100? Ah, well. Now you know. I still think the Baby Einstein videos are a waste of money. You won't find me spending time looking in the baby aisle for classical music choices. Molly's going to have her own CD player with a collection of good music to listen to, just like her sisters. And I'm not totally without heart for these products. I mean, it could be worse. They could be promoting toys that play John Denver or Boy George or songs from Oklahoma! I'm utterly thankful that I could buy a toy that plays lovely melodies from some of the masters. So while I continue to roll my eyes and cluck my tongue at the Baby Einstein goofiness, I also whisper a "thank you" for my beautiful, blue octopus. Ur...Molly's beautiful, blue octopus. |
About Me
I am: Mother to five stunningly individualistic children... Writer of young adult fantasy... Passionate advocate for Women At Home... Madly in love with my husband... In need of Organic Gourmet Chocolate on a regular basis. I've got a Paypal account if you'd like to contribute to the cause....
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6of my readers are feeling chatty:
Oh that is so not fair!
Our blue octopus just has cute little colorful legs that kind of... er... honk when you squeeze them. Chloe and Corry can play "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" on him though and he smells all yummy vanilla-like and he's really really soft.
Who knew toy octopi were like ipods? A year passes and a fancier model comes out... *pout*
How about a chew toy that plays "Ride of the Valkyries" at full blast. Spawned a whole new wing at Walmart for diapies.
Okay... I made that up, but there you are.
Well, sweetheart you hit another nail on the head.
Let's get Molly a MacBookPro for Christmas, then an iPod latest gen for her 1st birthday.
If all goes well, she will snub Einstein and move onto Steve Jobs.
Gotta love Jobstein toys...
:)
Eric
I feel the same way about those Baby Einstein products. Why not just play normal classical music CDs? The padded price is just for the different "packaging."
Somewhere, John Denver is saying "Ouch."
For the record, my little guy loves the Einstein videos. We got a box set of 'em as an Xmas gift one year and he just totally digs them. I don't know that it's just the music, but it's the imagery that gets him all worked up.
I look at them and go: "I totally could've done this."
And sort of wish I had.
Your post says it perfectly (as usual). LIttle did I know when I actually researched this "Mozart Effect" in college I'd be buying these things for my kids.
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