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Wednesday, November 28, 2007No B@@bs? No Admittance!It's time again to give me your feedback on something. Because, you know, sometimes it's just...me. Our church has an awesome room for nursing mothers. This past Sunday, I experienced it for the first time: Soft red sofas, dim lighting, and a closed-circuit television piping in the service so the nursing mommies don't miss anything. It felt like a sanctuary -- safe, quiet, peaceful. Until a man walked in. Now, I'm pretty much the nurse-anywhere type. I've nursed babies at restaurant tables, in malls, and at the zoo. So it's not like I have a problem nursing around other people, regardless of whether they're male or female. I do admit to being a little more "private" this time around, though. Maybe it's my age, or maybe it's that I've lost my need to somehow "prove" that I can nurse anywhere. Because I've already been there, done that. It's almost a non-issue. And, well, I really had a problem with the Man In the Nursing Mothers' Lounge. He walked in with his wife and two children, neither of whom were nursing infants. They quietly sat toward the back and began to watch the church service on the TV screen. Now, I can understand a new mommy wanting her husband's help and support while nursing at church. I wouldn't mind if a hands-on daddy accompanied his wife into a quiet corner to help her nurse their newborn. After all, I credit Eric with an amazing amount of support during my early nursing weeks. But this dad wasn't helping anyone nurse. He was...watching TV. I didn't even nurse downstairs when my father-in-law was visiting a few weeks ago. Why would I want to nurse in front of a strange male? And this is coming from someone who ultimately doesn't care. There were other mommies in there, and one of them looked very young and had a very new baby, probably her first. She exuded self-consciousness, swathing herself in a huge blanket and sitting apart from everyone else. And I'm sure she didn't appreciate the appearance of Mr. Hang Where The Boobs Are. Naturally, I didn't say anything. The guy wasn't sizing up our breasts or asking us personal questions. In fact, I'm fairly certain he was a decent man, a loving husband, a good daddy. Heck, his children were well behaved, and that speaks volumes. But the question remains: Why did he think it was okay to hang with a roomful of nursing mommies? "Hey, dude, where're you headed?" "Hi, Jared. I'm just gonna go hang out with lactating women for a while. Wanna come?" So. You tell me. Was I having a hormonal moment? Or does a sign on the door that reads, "Nursing Mothers' Lounge, Private" mean that the male members of our church should stay clear? I await your responses! |
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I am: Mother to five stunningly individualistic children... Writer of young adult fantasy... Passionate advocate for Women At Home... Madly in love with my husband... In need of Organic Gourmet Chocolate on a regular basis. I've got a Paypal account if you'd like to contribute to the cause....
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13of my readers are feeling chatty:
I dont see why any of them should have been in there if no one was nursing??!!
I suspect that they were running late for church and decided not to "interrupt" the service. Since that tv is in there they probably thought they could just sit in there. Doesn't make it right but, well ya know. Not everyone thinks before they act.
Yeah. I would have been miffed. It's a private room for nursing mothers. I agree with a dad helping a mother nurse her child,etc. I don't agree with random men/families hanging out in there.Would you go to the men's room to do your business with a bunch of men in there just because you were running late or it was more convenient ? LOL ! No. (I hope!). Especially in a church--this was rude of him.
What a great opportunity for you to be an advocate for the younger mothers. I really enjoy the fact that "maturing" has given me not only perspective, but courage. I would suggest that if this man comes in again, that you speak directly to him, in a loving Christ-like manner, in the interest of those that might mind. If you don't think you should speak to him, well, hopefully he doesn't read your blog! :-D
Yeah....it's wrong. I think someone needs to say something to them. Plus, what's that teaching the kids? That it's "ok" to be rude and not pay attention to Private signs? I would say his wife is probably a lot to blame too. She should know better.
I was about to comment "NO WAY?!?!" when I read your post and then I read the other commenters who were rational and kind. So I'll give my two cents in a much more diplomatic way.
The family should have turned around and left when they saw the room was being used for it's intent - nursing. If they want to watch church on TV, I bet they can find some on their own tv at home.
I love this story. Thanks for sharing!
It's awesome that your church supports it's nursing mothers with such a great room! I'm sorry that your experience was interupted by rudeness.
I agree with the other readers here that it was inappropriate for him to come in with his family, especially if noone was in need of nursing. Plus it sounds like noone was misbehaving, so why did they need to "hide" out anyway (which is what it sounds like they were doing to me.)
If you're comfortable saying something to the family, please do so. Otherwise you might discreetly inquire about who exactly is allowed in the nursing room.
Wow.
I don't think you are being "hormonal" at all.
A room marked "Nursing Mothers Lounge, Private", is just that, private, and is to be utilized by nursing mothers and no-one else.
(Also? If I were a nursing mother, I don't think I would allow my husband to just pop right in to help me, either. Certainly not until I had a "feel" for the room, and knew that it would not make others uncomfortable.)
A whole family trooping in really crosses a line.
I cannot think of ANY situation that would make that particular behavior appropriate.
I did try! :)
I totally agree with everything Mrs. Atroxi said!
"Nursing Mother's Lounge, Private" is pretty specific and straightforward.
I'm amazed at the gall of that family. Their behavior was just plain rude!
We had a similar situation at our church in Florida. People who would come late would just go in there because there were no other seats available. And worse, parents with toddlers would use it as a room for their children to run around in during the service. I can not even express how furious that made me.
I would have been taken aback by that Jill. Does your church have a weekly bulletin? Perhaps you could ask to put in a friendly reminder?
I agree...that is rude.
I would have been miffed Jill - IMHO, if it is a nursing room, only those who have the boobs or are attached to one need cross the threshold. :o)
That sort of happened to me once, but I didn't hang out. I had need to change my first son, and knew the mother's lounge was the best spot.
I knocked on the door, and was told to come in. I suppose I should have realized that the person saying that wasn't expecting a guy to open the door.
I saw the situation, and was probably more embarrassed than the lady in there. I took tjunior to the bathroom and changed him on the sink counter. That was fun.
The guy in your situation had no business being there period. I would venture to say that even if his wife was nursing, the fact that there were other women in there should have been sufficient for him to realize he did not belong there.
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