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Tuesday, August 21, 2007On Clueless Men In StoresI know my belly is huge. It goes without saying that, these days, my belly is the focus of my complete physical person -- the sum total of Who I Am right now. I can't get around it, can't slide into tight spaces, can't hug my husband front-on, can't see my feet, can't even keep my maternity shorts from scootching down, like the pants of a beer-bellied fisherman as he emerges from the driver's seat of his Ford F-150. And I know that I'm pretty much ALL belly. All baby. There's me, and then there's the Belly. I understand that it might come off a bit...alarming. But I'm never quite prepared each time I see a Clueless Man reacting to the Belly as I walk by. It's not my imagination. It happens in two distinct ways: First, there's the direct approach. Man sees Belly, has a quick thought process of, "Holy cow, this woman looks like she's going to give birth right in front of me." Then come the comments: "You're not going to have this baby right now, are you?" "Now you just take it easy, take your time, ma'am..." "So. Urgh. How soon is that baby due?" Secondly, there's the indirect approach, which amuses me beyond description. These are the men who see me in the store, and their eyes go immediately to the Belly. Within a nanosecond, they've sized up the situation, and the expression on their faces morphs into unmitigated horror. I get no verbal response, no friendly greeting, no offer to hold a door or push my shopping cart. No. I get the most indescribable deer-in-the-headlights responses I've ever seen. You'd think they've never, ever seen a pregnant woman before. And then they walk past me as quickly as ever they can, eyes still glued in terror to the Belly, as though it were going to leap out and knock them upside the head. Or maybe explode. Even my husband -- my life partner, my birth coach deluxe -- is beginning to have moments of "Oh. My. Gosh." It's just that...big. Like there's no possible way for human skin to stretch any farther than mine has. Of course, the women I encounter have no such reaction. They blithely ask me when the baby's due, sympathize with my end-of-the-last-trimester discomfort, and tell me that I look adorable. (Hey, I don't care whether they mean it or not. I just love hearing it.) I haven't had a single female over the age of four stare at me with terrified eyes. No, indeed. It's just the men. I do have to give one of these men some extra credit, though, for approaching the situation with humor. He looked at me and said, "I'm guessing you're about two months pregnant." I smiled. "You're good! How did you know?" "Oh, I'm really good at guessing how far along women are, and I can tell you have at least six months left." Good man. He was the father of four girls, living in a completely Female Household. He knew his stuff. He didn't freak out or turn the other way. In his own, male-like manner, he sympathized with me. So this one gets a gold star. The rest? Forget it. Climb back into your caves and try to remember what it was like when your own wives were great with child. Don't come back out until you've trained yourselves not to gape at pregnant bellies as though it's the final sign before the onslaught of Armageddon. It's cliched and I don't say it often, but I've got to say it now: MEN! Labels: pregnancy |
About Me
I am: Mother to five stunningly individualistic children... Writer of young adult fantasy... Passionate advocate for Women At Home... Madly in love with my husband... In need of Organic Gourmet Chocolate on a regular basis. I've got a Paypal account if you'd like to contribute to the cause....
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7of my readers are feeling chatty:
That reminds me of when I was pregnant with my first son. I was working in a bookstore (in TN) and it was the middle of summer. All summer long the only thing I could stand to wear were shorts, but I did have one flowery, flowing, light maternity dress.
I finally decided it was time to wear it to work when I was around 7 month along and I felt beautiful. People were finally commenting on my "cute, little baby belly" (I barely showed, even days before birth.)
That same day a clueless man comes into my bookstore, asked for help finding a book and, as I led him to it, announced that I must be having twins.
I was flabbergasted. Noone even believed that I was pregnant because my belly was so small, and this man believed I was carrying twins.
He went onto say how huge I looked and that I should really sit down and relax before the blessed event began before his eyes.
That was the last time I wore my beautiful maternity dress, so I will join you in your cliche: MEN!
You're pregnant????????!!!!!!!!
I thought you just acquired an extreme liking of Twinkies!
:-p
Oh, I found these gems for you...
A ship under sail and a big-bellied woman,
Are the handsomest two things that can be seen common.
~Benjamin Franklin
You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. ~Dave Barry, "Things That It Took Me 50 Years to Learn"
And they will never ever in a million years get pregnant, so why the fear?
After all, we don't stare in horror at their jinormous beer bellies.
I am just so excited for you Jill!!
When I was pregnant with Zachary (he was 10lbs at birth) some wierd man walked up to me and said,"Didn;t anyone ever tell you not to eat watermelon seeds." Nice huh?
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo!!
LOL Jill. That entry had me in stitches. Greg was like, "What is so funny?" I said, "It's Jill." He said, "I should have known." LOL
I love the belly!!!!!!!!!!
The only reason I would ever stare is to make sure not to accidentally bump into you & hurt the baby. Have you seen some of those stores on holidays...a crowded,chaotic mess.
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