|
|
Friday, July 06, 2007Throw That Lady Out of the CourtroomToday's session included both a plaintiff and a defendant, so it was all things go. Nineteen names were called, one by one, in an excruciatingly slow and deliberate manner. The nineteen Chosen Ones had to sit in the jury box and on six chairs in the front of it. I was not a Chosen One. At least not yet. The questions began. The prospective jurors were picked over like a bushel of peaches. And before we knew it, less than the requisite thirteen were left. Which mean that more names had to be called. And then it came. They called me. I waddled to the assigned seat and waited for the round of questioning to begin. Raise your right hand and all that. And when it was time for the plaintiff's lawyer to question me, she looked at me as though I were some kind of anomaly and said, "So, Jill....Bome? Are you...employed?" "I homeschool my children and I'm a writer." "Ah." Scribble, scribble. "And, you're pregnant, I see?" Very observant. "Do you think you can sit through deliberations as a member of the jury?" I shrugged my shoulders in what I hoped was a disarming fashion. "I don't know. How often will I be able to go to the bathroom?" The entire courtroom erupted in laughter. Leave it to me to disrupt the solemnity of the occasion. Fortunately, the judge was laughing, too. A few minutes later, the same lawyer asked the particularly odd question, "Do any of you have bumper stickers on your car?" I raised my hand. "What does your bumper sticker say?" Holy cow, what if it said something rude? "George Bush," I said, shrinking a bit. "Am I allowed to say that?" More laughter. By this point, the woman surely believed that I was the biggest dimwit ever to grace her presence in a court of law. After the defense lawyer had completed his turn in the questioning, it occurred to me that I probably should have said something about my husband's employment. This was a "how much damages should the defendant pay to the plaintiff who was injured in a car wreck" case, and I'd noticed they seemed to be dismissing people who were even remotely related to the health care profession. Quiet deliberation had already begun between the lawyers and their clients, so I raised my hand and hailed the judge. "Your Honor!" He looked mildly surprised. I mentioned my husband's place of employment, which happens to be a hospital and university. "Is he on the academic or the medical side?" the judge asked. I informed the honorable judge that hubby was most definitely on the medical side. "He interfaces with doctors all the time." (I may have said "all the time" a bit too loudly.) There. I'd done it. I'd spilled it all in the hope that they would scoop me up with a big net and hoist me out of there. I wasn't disappointed. After three more minutes of waiting, I was dismissed. Nobody wanted the crazed pregnant woman to be on the jury stand. Know what's really scary? I was just being myself. No pretenses, no perjury. Just my "take me as I am" attitude and a flair for dramatics. Because, yes, I will admit to the occasional rub of the belly or look of pregnant discomfort upon my face. And it's true that my biggest concern is having to pee in the middle of a trial. I'm not off the hook yet. I've got four more days of jury duty to go. But at least I was able to keep my endodontist appointment today. Next week I may have to go to more drastic measures, like letting my leg hair grow and wearing a mumu with a big peace sign on it. For now, I'm going to enjoy my weekend. Hope you enjoy yours as well. Labels: life |
About Me
I am: Mother to five stunningly individualistic children... Writer of young adult fantasy... Passionate advocate for Women At Home... Madly in love with my husband... In need of Organic Gourmet Chocolate on a regular basis. I've got a Paypal account if you'd like to contribute to the cause....
|
6of my readers are feeling chatty:
How many days do you have to go and be dismissed before you're done? Once I was dimissed, it was over. TN has some strange jury duty procedures! Or maybe they just are keeping you there to add some drama and humor! ;o)
Whew, thank God for family!
I get warm fuzzies for my brother whenever I'm called for duty.
For some reason they never seem to want the little sister of a career felon to sit on the jury. :-P
Too funny!!
Hey! The mumu thing is what I was going to do! :)
My tummy is pretty big. Do you think I could get away with the "discomforts of pregnancy" thing?
Oh my stinking gosh! That was too funny. I had to read it twice.
I didn't have anything that fun happen to me when I was called. I had to sit for two weeks, and only got called to the courtroom once. One attorney said, yes she's fine, and the other one said, nope, don't want her! And that was it. I didn't even get asked any questions! :)
You are too funny.
Post a Comment
<< Home