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Friday, January 26, 2007Vitamin, Vitamin, Who's Got The Vitamin?Eric and I were enjoying our morning coffee time -- sprouted bagels with butter, organic coffee with half-n-half, and the requisite vitamins placed on the coffee tray. Or so I thought. I always eat before swallowing morning pills, especially now that I'm consuming a daily, horse-pill-sized, all-natural-sans-artificially-sweetened-coating, yucky-tasting prenatal vitamin. So after having finished my bagel, I reached behind my coffee cup for the pill. It wasn't there. "You forgot my vitamin," I said, rising to go fetch one myself. "No I didn't. I set it by your coffee cup." Okay, maybe I missed it. I lifted the cup, checked the coffee tray. "Nope, it's not there." "Jilly, I know it put it there." Eric's voice was strangely insistent. "I put out two vitamins, mine and yours. I distinctly remember doing it because they were sitting side by side and I remember thinking, oh, they might get mixed up, so I moved mine over to my side of the tray." "Eric, it's not there." "I know I put them on the tray." "Did you take yours?" "I think I may have taken it while I was still in the kitchen, before I brought the tray in here." He looked at me accusingly. "Are you sure you didn't take your vitamin already?" "Eric, I did not take my vitamin." "Maybe you're just not remembering. You are pregnant, you know." "Eric, I did not take my vitamin." This was getting silly. "I always finish eating before I take vitamins, and I just now finished my bagel and reached for the vitamin, and it wasn't there." "I know I put it there." Eric proceeded to remove everything from the tray in a vain effort to produce the missing vitamin. "Are you sure you didn't take it, Jilly?" Oh. My. Gosh. I knew I hadn't taken the freaking vitamin. And now Eric was getting a sort of odd, frantic look in his eyes. "I put both vitamins on the tray. I distinctly remember doing it because they were sitting side by side and I remember thinking, oh, they might get mixed up, so I moved mine over to my side of the tray." Now he was starting to repeat himself. "Eric, maybe you took my vitamin." "Why would I take your vitamin?" "I don't know!" "Jilly, I think you must have taken your vitamin." "I-did-not-take-my-vitamin! There was no vitamin on the tray!" "This is really disturbing." (Oh, he noticed?) "Do you think maybe you might have taken my vitamin by accident?" Pause. "Maybe I could have. I don't know." Pause number two. "You say you know how many vitamins you would have taken since we bought them?" Yes, I could answer that question. It was a bottle of forty; there should have been twenty-two left -- if today's vitamin had been removed from the bottle. So Eric dumped out all of my prenatals into his (slightly trembling?) hand and counted them. "Twenty-two. So I did take it out. I knew I took it out." He looked at me imploringly. "Are you sure you didn't take your vitamin?" In the name of all goodness, I didn't know how much longer I could stand this. I once again explained that I was not able to take vitamins on an empty stomach, I had certainly not taken a vitamin that morning, and had, in fact, not seen a single vitamin on the coffee tray. "Okay. Maybe I took your vitamin. I don't know." He handed me a fresh pill. "Here. You go ahead and take your vitamin." Fine. He finally conceded. Except -- now I was doubting myself. What if I had taken the vitamin and was having a complete mental block? What would happen if I took two vitamins in the same day? "I don't want to take my vitamin." "No, really, Jilly, you need to take your vitamin." "It's okay if I skip a day, I think it would be safer if I didn't take my vitamin." "Jilly, I think I probably took your vitamin by accident." "Well, we won't know that until you check your pee. My vitamins make my pee fluorescent." Eric assured me that he would give me a full account of the relative fluorescence of his urine. And I let my prenatal vitamin sitting there, untouched. Until around lunchtime, when I began to feel distinctly ill-ish, probably due to a drop in B-6. So I took the bloody vitamin. And all was well. Note to self: Do not allow husband to handle pill bottles unattended or leave him with children who require medication. His pee was pretty interesting that day, too. Men. |
About Me
I am: Mother to five stunningly individualistic children... Writer of young adult fantasy... Passionate advocate for Women At Home... Madly in love with my husband... In need of Organic Gourmet Chocolate on a regular basis. I've got a Paypal account if you'd like to contribute to the cause....
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8of my readers are feeling chatty:
I am still not convinced that you did not take 2 vitamins that day. My urine analysis came back normal.
:)
Congratulations on your pregnancy!!
LMSO Eric!!
Jill, you do know how to tell a story!
Amen to Lisa's comment!
That was one of the funniest recountings of a "typical" marriage moment that I've ever read! :-D
Hmmm lets analyze this, shall we?
To women: "Men" is equivelant to "Moronic feces flinging primate"
To men: "Men" is equivelant to "Near-genius feces flinging primate". "Women" is equivelant to "Well meaning dainty primate with whom feces flinging primate has near infinite patience.
So now we move into the morning coffee scene starring our two vitamin popping primates:
The dainty has entrusted her health and well-being to a feces flinger, who overlooks such things as whose banana he inhales. Now said feces flinger is completely disinterested as to what color wee he paints the cage with.
Meanwhile the dainty swears up and down that flinger ate her banana as well as his own. When pinned down as to this scenario, flinger simply grunts and says, "Iunno."
So what do we learn from this?
>>Grunt<< Iunno... I'm one of the feces flingers!
Dave! You couldn't possibly have taken a more anal approach. And naturally I'd expect nothing less (especially from a feces flinger).
:)
Now, that is just too funny...I didn't know that prenatal vitamins turn your pee fluorescence. Very interesting. You might want to handle your vitamins from now on *grin*...
Hilarious as usual...
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