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Thursday, August 24, 2006Housedresses and Granny PantiesOkay. I fully understand how the "sell your name to thirty-seven other companies as soon as you've placed your first order with us" works. In fact, most of the time I can offer a fairly good guess at why, exactly, I've received the latest, unsolicited catalogue. La Redoute, for instance, is owned by the same company as Chadwicks. Their catalogue ended up in my mailbox because I've ordered numerous times from Chadwicks over the years. That's a no-brainer. L.L. Bean arrives every Christmas season because I'm a long-time customer of Lands' End. I've yet to place a single order with L.L. Bean, but every year I receive their catalogue, notwithstanding. Today, however, is a stand-alone day in the History of Mystery Catalogues. For today I received a catalogue with pages full of clothing and shoes designed for Very Old Women. No, I'm not exaggerating. In fact, I actually checked the mailing label to make sure it had my name on it, instead of the address of the nearest nursing home. There it was: Mrs. Jill Boehme. And I'm still trying to figure out why the heck I received it. We're talking Clothing For the Eighty-Plus Lady With a Large Pension. These aren't five-dollar mumus and K-Mart castaways; no, indeed. It's more like $29.95 for a Paisley Tunic Blouse and $24.95 for a Rainbow Stripe Shirt. This is not just my clothing snob emerging -- really, it's not. I've just received a catalogue of clothes that I might be inclined to wear about forty years from now, if I'm desperate and half blind. Want proof? Here are some of the offing, straight from the pages: Pull-on Pants: Stretch polyester gabardine holds its shape, resists wrinkles. Moon Boots: Flexible, skid-resistant sole helps you walk safely indoors or out. Comfort-Leg Panty: Its easy-fitting leg is 100% elastic free -- even has side vents. Therapeutic Support Knee Hi: Graduated compression nylon-Lycra has easy-on two-way stretch. Geometric-Print Lounger: Amply gathered for comfort galore. Flannel Check Snapcoat: Cozy as can be in your choice of four beautiful colors. Nylon Culotte Snip-It Slip: Great with split skirts. 'Nuff said. You know, it's just not fair. Turning forty wasn't fun, but I came to grips with it and embraced the fact that I have just entered My Prime. Then I get slammed with a geriatric mail-order catalogue. I'm not ready for granny panties and support hose. In fact, Lord willing, I'll never be ready. Who says grandmothers can't wear low-rise briefs? Where is it written that all women past the age of sixty must start wearing housedresses? My mother wouldn't be caught dead in a housedress, and she's pushing seventy. I mean...moon boots? I think I'll keep the catalogue tucked away somewhere, to remind myself what not to turn into a few decades from now. And if I start showing up at the breakfast table in a Floral Patio Dress and Ashland Stretch Shoes...well, Eric has my permission to put me out of my misery. Immediately. |
About Me
I am: Mother to five stunningly individualistic children... Writer of young adult fantasy... Passionate advocate for Women At Home... Madly in love with my husband... In need of Organic Gourmet Chocolate on a regular basis. I've got a Paypal account if you'd like to contribute to the cause....
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8of my readers are feeling chatty:
I've started getting those catalogues too!
My favorite was called something like "Mature Designs".
There was some crazy stuff in there.
Oh please...buy the culottes and post a picture! lOL
Hey, those panties sound kind of comfy...
;-D
You mean you've never seen Mom in her moon boots? ;o)
Mrsatroxi -- You're WAY too young to have gotten on that mailing list, girl!
Drama -- How much will you pay me?? LOL
Kerrie -- I will assume that your comment is directly related to the state of pregnancy, and not any indication of a propensity for geriatric clothing. ;)
Sister -- ROFL!!!!
LOL Jill! All of my growing years my mother wore a house coat. My sister and I had another name for it (completely NOT mentionable) and laugh about it still. Funny though, as she (my mom) has gotten older the house coats are not around.
Wonder if the granny panties are.
I doubt there's any need to tuck the catalog away for the future. You're sure to get one every month or so anyway.
Granny panties and Depends... there's a lovely visual.
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