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Friday, January 06, 2006Dead ThingsI should know better to never, never open an unmarked box. I'm a little paranoid about throwing away the sundry, saved boxes my children tend to hoard. A few years ago, you see, I threw away a box without looking inside it, only to be told later that the box had contained three Barbie dresses -- two of which were wedding gowns. Barbies are sacred around here. It was a terrible moment. So, in order to be the ever-sensitive mom, I now check the boxes before I pitch them. It was a matter of course, then, when I decided to check inside the seemingly empty Christmas lights box that was sitting on the children's bathroom floor the other day. A quick peek revealed a plastic grocery bag, which clearly had something tucked inside it. I lifted the bag with two fingers -- and that's when the smell hit me. The noxious, overwhelming smell of death. I had just exhumed a dead toad. Otis had passed away on Christmas Eve -- hardly the time to go outside and bury the poor thing. So Rachel and Jonathan gave him a temporary resting place inside an empty Christmas lights box. Then they promptly forgot about him. I won't tell you how many days had passed since Christmas Eve. Suffice it to say that, had he been out in the wild, Otis would have been major maggot food. I gagged. I shrieked. I bellowed, "GET - THIS - DEAD - TOAD - OUT - OF - THE - HOUSE - RIGHT - NOW!!" My children complied. They know better than to cross me when I've just been exposed to something dead. You'd think I'd be calmer, considering all the dead things I've dealt with over the years. It was the smell, really, that got me. Just yesterday I made the foolhardy decision to clean underneath Jonathan's bed -- a task not for the fainthearted. Besides the normal accumulation of dirty socks, Hardy Boys books, and fishing lures, there was an unusually high concentration of dried-out worm parts. Yes, you read that correctly. At first, I would say, "Eww!" and grab a piece of cardboard or paper to scoop up the raisin-for-a-bird. As the minutes -- and the dried worm encounters -- passed, I became desensitized, until finally I was scooping them up in my bare hands along with the kernels of feed corn and broken plastic pieces from who-knows-what. At least they didn't smell. Jonathan chuckled when I told him about the dried worms (and my bravado). "Yeah," he said, "Those are from the escaped worms." I didn't ask him to elaborate. If I had opted to be a horror writer, I'd have an awful lot of material on hand. As it stands, I think I'll stick to fantasy. At least it gives me an excuse to escape from all the dead things once in a while. |
About Me
I am: Mother to five stunningly individualistic children... Writer of young adult fantasy... Passionate advocate for Women At Home... Madly in love with my husband... In need of Organic Gourmet Chocolate on a regular basis. I've got a Paypal account if you'd like to contribute to the cause....
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15of my readers are feeling chatty:
Oh, it is wonderful to raise boys. But believe me, it gets better - honestly. Now our son's room is even cleaner that my family room. He is very picky and cleans all time, even his bathroom. YEAH!
But I think we are desnsitized raising children, just think of the earlier years - diapers and other fun stuff...lol!
Boys are such fun lol.
Just swung by to say thanks for "auditioning" at my blog , the winner is now posted for this month, hope to see you again sooner rather then later :)( you are already on my blogroll anyway lol)
YES! LOL
That reminds me of a long standing family tradition (with the boys of course) of saving something in our Christmas stocking until the next year to see what it looked like. It was of course something that wouldnt keep.
Lots of foul stuff!
The Bear is noted for leaving bits of food everywhere. He had a pear in the summer that found its way under an unused bed and against the covers.
When I was moving the bed to vacuum, I discovered the pulsating mass oozing all over. It was just plain nasty.
I save all my boxes.lol I sell things on ebay so I always save the box just in case. Because of that....I am what you call a packrat:)
at least you do not have left over dissecting frogs in your freezer LOL
Last year they had a bunch left over after that science section and well the teacher let the kids take them home. Ben's mom would not let him keep his in her freezer so I have Jesse's and Ben's in my freezer LOL
I finally made him take them to the garage freezer because I was tired of being attacked by them when I took things out of the one in the house.
LOL Doris
Frogs that jump even when frozen... ya gotta love that! :)
I feel your pain. A couple of days ago, I found a dead mouse IN MY LAUNDRY BASKET. Ugh! ;-)
the sad part Dave, is I jumped every time one hit me in the head LOL I forgot they where there.
I won't tell you what they did with them and fire crackers ( insert shocked face here)
Ananke:
I'm the one that put it there! MWAHAHAHAHA!
Doris:
The old "hot cross buns" trick! :)
Dave! "Pulsating mass oozing all over"...... Methinks you should consider writing sci-fi horror!
Ananke -- UGH!!!!! We have had some major mouse problems in the past -- I have major mouse issues!
Doris -- LOL!! I'm sorry, but LOL!!! I've had bags of flies, chopped up shad, and "Mom I want these" turket giblets in a sack (the perfect bait??) staring from my freezer shelves. But never a dissected frog!
LOL. Love this story. I'm still laughing. I thought I had it bad with what my dog drags in. Your kids have him beat.
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Whoops!! I'm not sure how I deleted that - Anyway, what was I saying? LOL!
This one is almost too close to home to be funny (but that didn't stop me from laughing! ;-) )
As I write this our dearly departed hamster is chilling out in my freezer.
A certain procrastinating gravedigger claimed the ground was too frozen to perform burial rites, necessitating the long-term storage.
It's 52 degrees here right now, I think if someone doesn't get his bum out there with a shovel SOON there may be a *much* bigger hole to dig. ;)
You've really cracked me up. I chuckled at the fact you had boxes that need to be put away, in your kids' bathroom. That seems to happen in our house, too. I do love your site. What's up with your writing? Any more thought to your serial? I'm considering it. Any crazy drawbacks you want to toss my way?
Poor Otis. He was a great toad. Well now is a good time for a toad to expire, since you have lost your voice, sweetie. :)
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