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Monday, September 26, 2005Coming Out of the ClosetIt was too crowded in there, anyway. And it was getting hot. And uncomfortable. It was freeing to finally come out, to finally be able to breathe again. And now I'm going to tell you all about it. I'm talking about our downstairs hall closet, of course. (What did you think I was talking about?) The tornado sirens went off around 9:30 last night. All the children were in bed, though only one -- Spencer -- was actually sound asleep. Our normal routine is to shift the young'uns into the downstairs closet. If things got really scary, I could always jump in on top of them. (The force of my body landing on them is certainly less than the force of a tornado at any rate.) Spencer remained tightly asleep as Maggie carried him down the front steps. He continued to sleep, thumb firmly entrenched in his mouth, as we tucked him up against a sofa pillow on the closet floor. It's the kind of thing that burns itself onto my brain and transfixes me -- my six-year-old sleeping in the closet during a tornado warning. It's been a while since we've "done" the closet, though, so I was a little put-out to realize that my children no longer fit. I mean, I used to cram them all in there like proverbial sardines. Now I've got gangly thirteen-year-old legs and a long, lithe, eleven-year-old dancer body to figure in. So I split them up, and sent Rachel and Jonathan off to the guest room closet. Within minutes, Rachel was complaining that Jonathan was farting. Yeah, I know, boys will be boys. But come on -- farting in a two-by-four closet in the midst of high winds? With the door closed? It's a fate worse than...well, worse than a tornado. When Jonathan began beating drums riffs on the wall, I figured it was time to let the caged animal out, so I told him he could stand on the front porch with his daddy, which is what he'd wanted to do all along. A few, well-timed farts and he got his wish. Rachel was still breathing normally after the fart attack, so I have no casualties to report. The storms moved off, we cleared out of the closet, and after a brief attack of post-tornado chaos, everyone was back in bed. Spencer had awakened halfway through all the farting and tornado-watching, and he wasn't very happy to be out of his bed. When I finally tucked him in, he was almost gleeful, as though going to bed were some sort of reward for good behavior. So there you have it. I'm out of the closet, and so is my entire family. The sun is shining, my children are quiet, and I've got a truckload of boring typing to do (read: typing that has nothing to do with fiction). I hope your Monday is more fascinating than mine! |
About Me
I am: Mother to five stunningly individualistic children... Writer of young adult fantasy... Passionate advocate for Women At Home... Madly in love with my husband... In need of Organic Gourmet Chocolate on a regular basis. I've got a Paypal account if you'd like to contribute to the cause....
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5of my readers are feeling chatty:
heheh got to love boys!
I'm glad I live in a place I don't have to board windows and/or hide in closets or basements!
Funny post. Big closets are great. My son sleeps in his by choice, and all his favorite books are in there with him.
Johnathan is the best! Nothing like torturing your sister with farts!
I'm glad that it was "boring" and not too exciting.
Our 14 year old, that we lovingly refer to in blog land as "Vegan Boy," is infamous for hit and run fart bombs.
He conveniently vanishes after marking the territory with a rotten egg gas cloud.
Although I was born with straight hair, that stuff curls up everything I've got, including eyelashes, nose hair, and the pits.
The natural reaction of your eyes is to water to clear the foreign whatevers attacking it. The problem with that is tears mixed with rancid fart bomb create a toxic mixture reported to cause blindness.
So for days on end a green amorphous blobule circles about the ceiling of our abode. Once a bird flew in through the window and was snatched right out of the air.
Then there are the shoes....
Funny! Loved reading this.. very amusing! Keep it up!
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