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Monday, July 25, 2005Hold Me In the WaterI've had a rough weekend. No, nothing horrible has happened; the chickens are fine, the weather's been hot and sunny, and life is as good as always. It was just one of those "writer angst" weekends. Angst over some business decisions I need to make; angst over another "stuck" place in my latest novel; angst over the entire process and journey of writerhood. For as much as I love to write -- for as much as it energizes me and fills me with life the way nothing else can -- I sometimes despair of the entire thing. "Bah! Who needs this! I'm tired of being a strung-out artiste." My darling Eric took the children swimming, as he often does on weekends in the summertime. While they're gone, I am left with a quiet house and the ability to string thoughts together without being interrupted. Sunday was so bad, though, that I ended up wallowing in a sense of loneliness instead of luxuriating in productivity. "If you can't think of anything else to do but talk to me, come to the pool," Eric had said into the cell phone. I must have sounded fairly "on the edge" when I called him. I wasn't in any mood to go to the pool, though -- who needs all that noise and splashing and extra kid count? An hour or two later, though, I was humming a different tune. It was actually the buzz of Eric's electric razor as I did a quick "leg job" in order to appear in public without looking like a prehistoric throw-back. Minutes later, I was standing at the pool gate -- and when I caught Eric' s eye, I felt like the most loved woman on the face of the earth. Despite my funk, he actually WANTED me there with him. It was hot enough (near 100) for me to actually want to go in the water. Trust me, it's got to be a bath tub or I'm outta there. Eric loves to be in the water with me. OK, it's even cornier than that -- he loves to hold me while we're in the water. So, for the next forty-five minutes or so, Eric walked around in the pool holding me in his newly-buff arms. All the insecurity and vulnerability and stress of my weekend dissolved. Such a simple pleasure! Of course, whenever Mommy's in the pool, it's an immediate magnetic draw, so we were often surrounded by at least two of our children at any given moment. That cuts down on the romance factor just a tad, but I wouldn't change it for the world. It's awesome to be so completely and unconditionally loved. So, a cuddle in the pool was very therapeutic. Now it's Monday, and I'm back to the writer angst. It's not going to go away unless I decide to quit writing once and for all. I don't think I can do that, though. When something's in your blood, it's in your blood. I might as well stop breathing. |
About Me
I am: Mother to five stunningly individualistic children... Writer of young adult fantasy... Passionate advocate for Women At Home... Madly in love with my husband... In need of Organic Gourmet Chocolate on a regular basis. I've got a Paypal account if you'd like to contribute to the cause....
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4of my readers are feeling chatty:
I was wondering who used my razor. ;)
Eric
LOL
Dang, I forgot that you read this, too...
Well, I am so happy to hear you did decide to join your family at the pool. Nothing better than a husband's joy in seeing you to take away a lousy mood. Stop thinking so much and just....write...as you always have and always will.
I"m so glad you started Blogging. again! I really am enjoying reading about your journey to be a best selling Fantasy writer!
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