 Balancing Work and Personal Life So many men I know have sacrificed too much of their personal life for the benefit of the company they work for. I am not talking about the occasional dinner missed due to a late meeting or a business trip from time to time. I am talking about substituting what should be time spent with your family or for yourself if you are single habitually. In fact, many men and women in the workplace are not even aware just how much they have given up in life. It happened all so gradually. Some escape from life by working – that is another topic completely. I worked for a large company for just about 2 years, and then right at the beginning of the Christmas season we all received a gift from the company. All of us in our satellite office were given severance (not much) and the doors were closed about 3 months later. During my two years at this company, I traveled every week on a plane to corporate headquarters. My job evolved into an internal sales position to get projects for our development teams. I had 35 people reporting to me back in my office as well. Some weeks I traveled twice a week. By the end of the two years I logged 53 round trips, earned 13 free tickets and two one year companion passes. If you are a road warrior, you are saying, “So what?” I will tell you what this did to me. Probably the worst thing was missing my youngest son’s 2nd and 3rd years of life. He did not know when I would be home and when I would be away, so he started to pull away from me and chanted, “I don’t like Daddy.” My heart was just about ripped out of my chest when I realized what this had done to him. The first Christmas I was traveling so much, sometimes 3 times a week that I no longer felt like I lived at home. My hotel and corporate city was feeling like home. I did all of my Christmas shopping there. I had to. It started to feel weird being back in my home city. It felt like I was just visiting. I had a geographical identity disorder, among many others. I sacrificed time with my two daughters and my oldest son and my wife. They all hated every time I headed towards the airport. I usually had to leave the house at 4:00 in the morning to catch the flight, so I could make 9:00 morning meetings at corporate headquarters. My days were filled with meetings and then dinners, and then more work back at the hotel. I gained 35 pounds in a year. I was determined to help make our group a success, but I was fighting an uphill battle that no amount of time would have helped me to win. Rather I lost so much time, so much of my identity, so much of my life. My intentions were good. I wanted to create a great place to work for the 35 people who I was responsible for. They appreciated the efforts for the most part. Some felt neglected because I was out of the office more than in the office. My vision was blurry, my priorities skewed and by the end of the 2 years I had become a corporate drone. Hindsight is 20/20, but I will take it! At least I was able to look back at my experience at this company and make one very important decision. Never again. It took me two years to get my youngest son back. I am finally his hero and he is my favorite little pirate. He knows I am going to be there now. The time with my children and wife are the most precious times I spend in life. So I traded in all of my free drink coupons for time with my family. I don’t get any more free tickets or companion passes. The tickets weren’t free and my companion never traveled with me. I was too busy. I used one of my free tickets to go to my father’s 65th birthday bash and see my best friend from High School. Three weeks later I used another ticket to go back and attend his (my best friend) funeral. He dropped dead on the ice playing his favorite game, hockey at 39. Boy did that start me thinking. If this resonates with any of you, I urge you to take a step back and think really hard about what you are doing. The Blogging Boss |
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Friday, December 09, 2005
All Work and No Play Made Me an Absent Dad
posted by The Blogging Boss at 5:50 PM ©2005-2006 Beat Your Own Drum Information provided on this site is for informational purposes only; it is not intended as a substitute for legal advice. The information on this site is not to be used for legal defense. The Blogging Boss is not responsible for any actions taken by the reader or any results in the work environment. Always contact your attorney for professional advice. Who links to me? |
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7 Comments:
I know the drone feeling well. I feel compelled to work hard to support my family. Although I am not away on business trips, my family suffers in a similar way because my mind is focused on work and problems with projects, etc.
I am constantly stressing about meeting financial obligations, and not making enough to adequately do it all.
There are days I would rather do a face plant in a sausage grinder than present myself at work, but my immediate thought is that if I miss a day, that is so many dollars that wont be in my paycheck.
Luckily, my little business has been prospering lately and has been able to supplement (ie pull my behind out of the fire) my income.
With the progress we have made in my business over this past year, I anticipate that by this time next year I will be close to being able to step out of the work-a-day world (at least working for someone else) and get back to what I want to do.
Then I will be back home, and I can run the show like the old days, and feel once again free.
I miss those days badly, and want more than anything to be able to do that again.
The first go around when we first built the company, I was single and had a lot of free home time to dive in and build a business. I worked extremely hard and it paid off.
I know that if I can devote my full attention to my company again that I can make it flourish year-round.
Patience... patience...
Thanks for letting me blabber all over your blog.
I've seen what you're talking about many times in my company. Somewhere along with the way, we lose sight of what is most important in life. What good is that promotion or raise if you lose your marriage and family in the process. And unfortunately, many companies seem to make this sacrifice all too easy, or even encourage it. There has to be a balance between work and your life. I'm glad that you found your life again.
Great post! I doesn't matter how successful you become, if you lose your family you have failed.
What a great post. My ex was so hung up on being the provider he lost the meaning of success in the family. I would take back all of my possessions if it meant having a different ending. Not that I have alot :-)
Even though we are battling right now...
I so hear you. I took a job with an International company when my youngest was 8 weeks old. It was a good job and I made a ton of money. But the first 18 months of his life I only saw him when he was sleeping. My mom came over at 4 am and watched them and got them ready for daycare while I was off to the mine. and many times she picked them up and brought them home.
I learned alot from this and took a job that paid a lot less, but was a family oriented business and we are all happy.
Money can't buy happiness...it just delays the truth.
I respect everyone's different goals in life. Just can't imagine how a parent can handle constant traveling, not only because of being away from the kids, but also it takes a lot out of you. My husband, thankfully, only traveled a bit in our first six years of marriage. When he got out of the military, our daughter (and only child at the time) was 18 months. He missed her first birthday and did all he could to be there for it.
Perhaps, when you constantly travel, you get used to the life... hence, it feels strange when you finally stop traveling.
When I first entered the work force, I was determined to climb that ladder high and get that ol' MBA. I started on the MBA and promptly quit after one semester because I hardly saw my daughter. It wasn't worth it. This was over six years ago and I don't regret it. I do want to get a masters, but not an MBA and I'll do it as soon as my life allows me to enjoy my education without sacrificing something precious.
It's no longer about climbing, but enjoyment of learning. I quit my corporate job this year and love working in a home office with flexibility for volunteer work and kid chauffeuring. Can't ask for anything more... well, maybe a couple of things.
I fear I'm heading down the same path. Thanks for posting this. It's good to know that I'm not the only person feeling that I'm getting 'sucked in'.
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